Opportunities in Pain

For many years I echoed the line in a song by Birdy + Rhodes: “I don’t know why, I don’t know why we break so hard.” Many times in my life I felt like I was breaking myself against a rock to try and love people and/or to receive love from people in return. I didn’t understand why almost all human interactions had to end in pain and heartache. Something inside me said that it had to be different. It had to be, because God knows I didn’t feel I could take much more of it. The following song sang me through many painful chapters:

LET IT ALL GO by BIRDY + RHODES

I’ve been sleepless at night
Cause I don’t know how I feel
I’ve been waiting on you
Just to say something real
There’s a light on the road and I think you know
Morning has come and I have to go

I don’t know why, I don’t know why
We need to break so hard
I don’t know why we break so hard

We’re strong enough to let it go
Let it all go, let it all go
Let it all out now

If I look back to the start, now I know
I see everything true
There’s still a fire in my heart, my darling
But I’m not burning for you
We’ve started it wrong and I think you know
We waited too long, now I have to go

I don’t know why, I don’t know why
We need to break so hard
I don’t know why we break so hard

But if we’re strong enough to let it in (in, in)
We’re strong enough to let it go
Let it all go, let it all go
Let it all out now
Let it all go, let it all go
Let it all out now

And even though, this is one of my favorite songs to soothe what is at times admittedly still an aching soul, it doesn’t take me down a road of self pity and dark depression anymore. I have learned that pain is part of the human experience and it is part of the mechanism which was designed to make us grow. I don’t necessarily view myself as a victim of pain anymore. Rather, I now see pain as a very valuable opportunity to learn and grow.

This helped me to let things go and not keep replaying the old chapters and toxic feelings of regret over and over again in my mind again. The past is the past, I can not change it, I can however, move forward with the wisdom I gained from the experience. I can choose to love and open my heart again – despite the knowledge that it might be broken or rejected again. And actually, I’m OK with that. Because I decided that my love to people is not dependent on if they love me or not. I might approach the relationship with a different set of boundaries, but the door for unification will always be open.

An eye for an eye will not heal this broken world.

Love and Moonlight,

Leonie