A Push into the Right Direction

LIFE IN ITSELF, is your teacher! It doesn’t matter where you are, what relationship you are in, what job you have or where you live! It is this magickal fantastical experience where we are presented with literally thousands of opportunities to pick up cues, to learn, to expand, to grow ……. OR NOT!

I saw this quote on social media:

“Someone pushing you to be better, is not an attack, its an act of love.”

Even though I’m not in favour of the notion of “pushing” someone, I’ve been a spiritual guide long enough, to know that even if you find the most diplomatic, gentelest, most eloquent way to nudge someone into a positive direction for their lives, that gesture is highly corruptible by people’s filters and personal traumas. People will engage with you to help them move on from stagnation, and then when you suggest a step or a move forwards, they loose their marbles. It’s because often they don’t want help, they want to be rescued. They want you to do it for them.

I see it playing out with clients who have put in tremendous work to grow themselves. Then, they want to try to help their friends, family and partner’s too. No matter how much they encourage their loved ones to take steps to be better, they get major pushback from those they are trying to help. If you are trying to save people, the sad reality is: they will project their trauma unto you. If they have been bullied (or are a bully), they will tell you YOU are a bully. If they suffered neglect, they will tell you YOU are not a good sister/partner and you are neglecting them. And the list goes on!

This is why so many psychologists and therapists burn out in my opinion. The constant badgering from people who, seemingly tries to seek help, but don’t really want to take on board the advice given. They don’t want to step up for themselves. It becomes easier to blame the healer, coach, teacher, therapist, teacher or family member. I often equate it to being a doctor – you can only take so many sneezes from a patient, before your immune system is going to give in and you get sick too. With personal healing  it’s the same principle, that trauma is energy and energy can not be destroyed, so someone has to absorb it. It has to go somewhere and find a new host to survive as it’s a consciousness that’s been created.

I have seen this, especially where people have a wound of being hurt by a person of authority in their life. Normally from a person who’s had significant authority over them in the past. Parental authority figures are often one of the main entry points for this wound. What does this mean?

Sometimes you have a parent that misuses their authority by being:

• hovering, overbearing and controlling
• abusive
• neglectful
• not following up on their word
• acting out of integrity
• telling the kid to do something but then not abiding by their own rules and standards e.g. using illegal substances

When children get used to authority figures that are out of integrity, their world view becomes that all forms of authority is corrupted. They develop a default setting that automatically looks for the inconsistencies in all authority they are presented with.  Eventually they “find the inconsistency” because, they WANT to find it! They create it! Actually, the truth is, what they find to be an inconsistency or a lie, is just because they don’t have the full picture, all the information or context of the authority figure’s life, reason for actions etc. And as such, they falsely deliver a “guilty” verdict to an innocent helper! Some start to rebel and tries to tear down all the good that this leader has done in the world. They often become obsessive in “proving them wrong” and make it personal by breaking down this person they perceive to be a threat! They want to “rescue others from suffering the same fate”. That is such a dangerous arrow to send out into the world! Think about how this would play out in their schools, tertiary institutions, romantic relationships, or the person’s world of work! How many loaded guns and miss fires could such a person send into their world? Think even in terms of governmental authority: not accepting the laws of a country, in its extreme, will end you up in jail!

Reality is a lot of our core wounds do have its origins rooted firmly in our childhood years. It’s pretty much the narrative or opening chapter of every psychology book out there!

True, most of the time, parents are trying to act in the best interest of their child, but due to carrying unhealed wounds and trauma themselves, parents subconsciously, teach their kids a lot of dirty tricks! A LOT of damage has been done by parents who were blind to the fruits of their ignorance. Only for it to show up years later, when the child grew out of the family nucleolus. When they become part of wider society, they see that what they experienced as a child was not as “normal” as their parents lead them to believe. They often completely cut themselves off from the parent. This leaves the child with an incredible feeling of betrayal, and that is such a dangerous wound to take into the future!

If tainted enough by authority that was not in integrity, children will grow up to distrust all guidance, partners, teachers – even those for their highest good included! Completely to their own detriment!

With my daughter’s hockey career, we currently spend a lot of time next to the hockey field. The hockey community, has given us many situations to use for introspection. When my daughter gets stuck and she doesn’t know what to do, she sometimes come to us for help. Most of the time, we observe her behaviour, and based on that, we quickly deduct that she needs help or guidance and we step in. Now that does NOT MEAN that she always welcomes our guidance and counsel! Often we cast our hard earned wisdom unto unreceptive waters, waiting patiently for her to make every single mistake in the book, before she sees the err of her ways, and turns back to our original suggestion.  Would we prefer her to take the shorter route? YOU BET YA! It will for sure make things a lot softer on our pockets! However, we understand our responsibility to is to guide and support her, to hold her in a safe space and create parameters for her to also learn and make mistakes, and hopefully(!) to learn from it! Does she always like our nudges? NO! Does she doubt that we love her and that we are doing what we feel is best for her development and career? NO! When she sees positive results from implementing our suggestions – she starts to trust us (and herself!) even more! That is how best we know how to support her.

In the same way, as a Spiritual Guide in an ancient spiritual lineage, I’ve nudge people into a positive direction for themselves ALL THE TIME. The next healing, the next class, using their tools, meditation. We have a whole list full of positive, life transforming interventions on offer. Those people came to me for advice and guidance! I’m not a person that will give advice or guidance when a person has not asked me to.  I would say that 99% of the time my advice, guidance or direction, would have been given to a person, because they asked me what options they have to create change in their life. If you want financial advice, you go to a financial advisor, if you want spiritual advice, you come to a healer. So my direction is almost always given upon consultation from the person who have sought me out. Being a Guide, means that they have stepped through the gates of initiation – they asked and paid me to be their personal ”nudger”!!!

I always find it interesting to see what happens when people take offence when I suggest next steps for their progression. And not only in my own practice, I’ve also seen people do this with other guides, mentors and teachers! People get caught up in their own drama and emotions, they twist their life into a pretzel, until they are forced to seek help. Then, they start blaming the teacher, boss, partner, psychologist they were seeing (remember they have a betrayal in authority wound to play out), and then they move on to other alternatives. In my case, often alternative healers , because they have tried “all the other options and it didn’t work”. Now this is definitely not a strategy that I would recommend if you engaged on a path of healing by using tools of alchemy! As the alchemy will do it’s work and it will highlight this pattern of self betrayal very quickly!

I have seen teachers, guides and mentors blatantly shamed, blamed, and projected upon. Almost as soon as they leave the office of the person, the blaming and projecting starts. This from someone who just spend an incredibly amount of time to support this person’s personal progression – often given plenty of their own time and resources for free!

And there is the big trap! THE MOMENT you turn around and blame and shame people who are trying to help you, you have stepped right into the victim trap and you’ve lost the battle against yourself. You’ve immediately voided yourself from  the opportunity to create personal growth.

I myself have received gentle pushes into the right direction in the past! Or at least, now what I see was the right direction for me! But at the time I resented, complained and projected so much stuff unto the person(s) who were clearly trying to help me! It’s because I’ve made that mistake so many times, that I’m able to help so many people today! . It’s sadly a path I walked multiple times and thankfully, have learned from! Eventually, I started to realise that I was only recycling the same negative life experiences over and over again, so I couldn’t keep blaming the people I have alienated, as they were not even in my life anymore! However my pattern of hurt stayed the same! By positioning myself as a victim of them, I made myself a victim! Instead of getting up and doing what I needed to do and to heal myself from old trauma, I made myself small and powerless. I gave my power to heal away! Once that penny dropped, I could start to help myself and reinvent my life. Not only MY LIFE, but then I could start to help others.

Honestly, what I have observed in the world (and I come from very corrupted authority figures in my life), is that MORE people have been trying to help me, than what have sabotaged me. NONE of which have in any case, sabotaged me more than what I have sabotaged myself over the years! If I look back now, I’ve pushed many outheld hands away and all they wanted to do was help me grow, or give me love!

Someone who is giving you a “push” or a nudge is not always an attack or a threat! It is very easy to mistake to make! It might very well be the most kindest, compassionate, loving, support hand in the world that was outstretched to you, but because of your own trauma and your own inability to facilitate your healing, you have labelled that person as the “baddie” in your story. That is how the victim narrative plays out on a daily basis.

If any of this resonates with you (if you feel darn uncomfortable if you are reading this right now!), you are welcome to come to have a cup of tea without judgement! Just come to have a chat, to see how you can identify where you are sabotaging yourself in your own life! Simply put: this is how you are keeping blessings and abundance away from yourself!

How many acts of love are you missing, while you are crying about not being loved by people?

Love and Moonlight,

Leonie