Day 3 – Lock Down Diaries

Day 3 – Lock Down Diaries


If you have been betrayed by woman, I get you. I have seen woman be crueller than any being or animal I’ve seen. I have seen woman influence men to do the cruellest things imaginable. I’ve seen woman proclaim that the future is female – and believe it’s completely arrogant to think that any one sex can make it without another – it’s just not how creation energy works. It is not tied to gender and sexual preferences – most gay couples have a yin and yang energy in their unity – therefore creation is completely possible and probable.

The future is not tied to any one gender or sex – it is TOGETHER. There is no other future than TOGETHER. We come from a society that was dominated by one sex – it didn’t have balance. The future is healed in balance in our roles. The future is healed in our knowledge of our self and our past.

I traced a bit of my story with woman and I investigated the “themes” around woman that has been coming up in my life. I was left and “rejected” by my mother at an early age. She had to leave me as a small baby to work and help my father provide for our family. Noble right? It wasn’t so much that she worked – it was she worked night shift – so I didn’t really see her during the day as she would sleep and at night she would be away. As result – in the early years of my life – or at least until high school – I didn’t have much of a relationship with my mother. Her returning to my life to claim her place as “my mother” was a great shock to my system and at first, I refused to accept her authority. Today we have the tightest of bonds but as a young teenager – how could I understand why I responded like that to her?  From my child’s eyes, she rejected a small child who didn’t have the emotional resources to understand why her work was more important than my need for love. And humans have a basic need for love!

As I started to investigate it’s effect on my life – I learn’t that it taught me one thing straight out of the womb: woman can not be trusted. I experienced it as the nurturer will leave, they will “reject” you. As a result, I lived most of my life with the programming that woman can not be trusted. So, like all creations by our negative ego, I experienced only bitter betrayal and disloyalty from pretty much all woman in my life. All but for one – my wise Grandmother who raised and cared for me.

From early years in school I experienced woman as selfish, manipulative, not worthy of trust (they can not keep a secret or information shared in confidence), they are competitive and they would use your good will to get what they want and then spit you out. This was my experience – rightly or wrongly and it’s not to say it is my view today.

In my adult and married life, I’ve seen woman:

  • Judge each other: “Oh you are not breastfeeding? How can you just leave your children and go on your own trips all the time?” “Poor children.” “Poor husband. She sits on his head.” “What kind of woman are you that doesn’t want more children?” “A woman should be xyz and a woman should make decisions in this way.” And the list goes on
  • Gossip, spread rumours, divide and turn partners, friends and family against each other
  • Compete for men’s attention
  • Trying to prove their worth to the world by throwing another under the bus, time and time over
  • Give their personal power away
  • Compete against each other for “beauty” and pretty much anything you can think of
  • Refuse to heal because they are too proud
  • Break promises to themselves and those around them
  • undress a sister in front of others – all to have an audience to their power, confusion, destruction, control
  • Feed co-dependency with their children, partner – to make up for their lack of self-worth
  • Struggle to create and enforce clear boundaries
  • Compromise their values because of a survival state
  • Prostitute themselves because they believed they didn’t have enough power to stand on their own
  • Refuse to take responsibility for themselves, their decisions and the hurts they’ve caused
  • Project their hurts, anger, hate and desperation unto other
  • Destroy each other
  • Hide in each other’s shadow
  • Blame each other
  • Curse one another


I have seen more jealousy than one soul should bear and witness in one lifetime. And to this day, I pray to God that my daughter does not ever have to experience any of the harshness of the female energy out of balance.

After 40 years of feeling this energy in the presence of woman, I am tired. I am tired of witnessing and experiencing these kinds of behaviours. I am tired of feeling unsafe when woman walk into the room. I am tired of having my guard up because I don’t trust that my sisters will have the maturity to talk things out – instead of walking around whispering behind closed doors.

It is for this reason that I am hoping and working on a new world, a new era to rise after this incredible ordeal we face. I hope that we will come through this as humbled and on the same playing field. I am hoping that in the New World we, as woman, will be able to:

  • Support each other
  • Be honest with each other
  • Have clear and open communication during conflict
  • Talk things out
  • Hug things out
  • Care and nurture for each other
  • Call each other out on our crap/lower vibrational decisions
  • Pray for each other
  • Serve ourselves & another
  • Reach out to each other


And lastly, forgive each other.

What am I going to do for myself you ask? I am going to be safe. Safe in my trust of MYSELF. Safe in my boundaries – in defining them for myself and others. Clear in communicating my boundaries and expectations to others.  Safe in that I will not allow myself or others to disrespect. I am going to be safe with ME and therefore – create that for other woman around me. As far as possible, I will endeavour to create that for others but have no attachment to their emotional processing of my creation.

May Mother Earth take our hand to heal the wounds hidden deep within. May we heal so spectacularly that we draw our men into our healing embrace. May Father Sky join our cosmic hug. May we heal so dramatically that we return to the sacred, live the divine, and embody the divine union of Spirt in the physical as the unique vessels of light that we are.

“The kingdom of heaven is within you. And whosoever shall know himself shall find it.”  From: Egyptian Book of the Dead


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