Have you ever wondered what is the real you? Are your thoughts YOUR THOUGHTS? Are they a reflection of the REAL YOU? Are your decisions 100% your own?
What is really you and what is as result of your programming?
Are you sure that everything you are thinking and experiencing is yours? Does it really “belong” to you? Or do you sometimes give your decision making power away to a pre-programmed system in your mind?
As example – you might be choosing that red couch because you like the colour red? Or is it because your grandmother had a red jacket and you used to curl up against her when your parents shouted at you?
- Do you drive a certain brand of car because your Dad preferred one or the other? Do you find it hard to let your body relax because your mother told you that “girls don’t sit like that”.
- Do you believe a certain theory or have an academic viewpoint because of your own thoughts on the matter or are they largely formed by the murmurings of your favourite lecturer?
- Are you scared to view your viewpoint because you fear scrutiny?
- Do you not want to tell your partner about your sexual needs or desires because your mother made you believe that girls should not talk about or even dare enjoy sex?
- Are you scared to be rich because you subconsciously believe that all rich people had to have at some point have pawned their soul to the devil or have done something illegal to get so rich?
- Do you get nervous and walk faster when a person of colour walks past you in a dark street at night?
- Do you believe that “blood is thicker than water” or “the only thing in life you have is your dignity and your reputation” or many of the anecdotes used by our parents to teach us to follow their moral code.
Is your teacher’s voice, your pastor’s voice OR mommy’s voice still coming up when you have to make a decision? How much of the “arguments” you are making in your head for or against a case, comes from you – or are you mostly doing a SWOT Analysis of what different people told you is “right” and “wrong”?
The other day my mother and I was in our kitchen and we were making food for a party. Now if you know me my personality type it is: THE BIGGER THE BETTER. I do very little in moderation (sometimes to my own demise!). When I make food, I make a table full of food which arguably can feed a small army. When I buy groceries, I buy a boot full. When I invite one child in the kid’s class – I feel it’s only fair to include all. And that’s how I’ve been my whole life. The whole “all or nothing” kind of thing which may sound like it is positive, but in reality – sometimes just a little or gently will do the thing!
It was while we were making food that I said to my mother: “I don’t know why I always have to do everything to the max”! Because truth be told – I exhaust myself! I tether on the edge of burn-out regularly because of that! Always giving my everything (in my mind MY BEST). But that is the distortion!
“All or nothing” is not always a good approach! You can not possibly do your best and be the best at all you do, all the time! You have to discern, where to invest your time and energy to achieve maximum results! It is important to synchronise with people and life, and get the balance (which in my view is easier said than done!), than what it is trying to be everything for everyone. It’s exhausting!
Upon asking this, my mother started laughing. She said: “You don’t have to wonder where THAT comes from! It comes from your Father! When he grew up, they always bought for twelve!” And just like that it clicked for me! My father was the eight child in a family of twelve children! They literally raised each other (as the elder children) and when ever they bought food, clothes, basically everything – they bought what they could for as many as they could! To top it off – his parents came from the Great Depression era and they had a belief that if something is here today, you should take it – because you might not get another opportunity to buy food tomorrow!
This is very much how my father was. He would not go shopping for groceries moderately. every week in small quantities. But when he stopped at a farm stall next to the road – he wouldn’t buy just one pumpkin – it would be five or TEN minimum!
And it clicked with me – this was an integral part of my programming – one generation up AND ANCESTRAL! I have this voice (or urge if you want to call it that rather so that it doesn’t sound too spooky) to do everything BIG and I have to always take care and responsibility for all! And truth be told, that has caused me so much hurt in the past! Not to mention that it is exhausting to always “go big or go home”!
It was programming! And even though, I knew I could do things properly if I wanted to, it didn’t always have to be my default setting and more importantly – I didn’t have to feel guilty or like I failed someone if I didn’t deliver at absolute max capacity all the time!
This was quite a refreshing discovery for me and I am now working more consciously on giving “less” of myself to people and causes, so that I can have more balance and be more self sustaining in my use of energy!
Knowing yourself is so important for us to have joy and happiness in this life! It is crucial to know what sits locked up in the dark corners of our subconsciousness! Ultimately, that is our life’s work! This is why we always recommend a class called Empower Thyself – it has so much information and so many tools that you can use when you face choices and if you are unsure about where your own programming is holding you back in life! It really is the most empowering thing you can do for yourself, your ancestors and your family!
Love and Moonlight, Leonie