Giving Your Power Away

Giving Your Power Away

Have you ever heard people talk about “I feel like I”m giving my power away”. Gurus, coaches or psychologists often will point out to clients that they are giving their power away to the abuser/boss/partner in their life. But what does it mean?

This morning I was talking to a friend on the phone and as soon as I connected with her, the words popped up in my mind: “you must look at where you are giving your power away”. I don’t consciously “scan” people wherever I go (that would be exhausting!) so this message was unusual because it came completely involuntarily. I am very careful to not intrude in people’s private space (she might not be ready to talk about it), but felt I knew her well enough, so I gently approached her with the message.

She confirmed that is was spot on in line with what she was going through. I still wasn’t sure what it was really about, but it felt like just someone noticing it, was helping her deal with it. As we were talking, the next clarification pops up: “its related to power of choice”. I tell her that she has to look at where in her life she is giving her power of choice away.

This made me think. What do we really understand under the concept of not giving our power way?

I think one of the worse things possible things in life, is to live a life that is not empowered. But what does that mean? People quite often put empowerment opposite the notion of giving your power away. It begs the question – is power something that can be given? Is it something that is to be taken?

In the literal sense think about: is my husband giving his “power” away when he is helping me to get the jam jar from the high cupboard? Or am I giving my power away by not doing it for myself? (Nothing stops me from getting a ladder/chair to get up there to get it – like a real ‘strong and independent” woman will do?). Others would argue that the truly empowered woman would graciously stand aside and let her “hero” help to protect or preserve her energy, by doing it for her from a place of service. Also showing love, cutesy, dedication and respect to his partner.

Hmmmm, intrigued yet?

Giving your power away, equals giving your power of CHOICE away. And honestly, as humans we tend do do that ALL THE TIME! Some of our ways are sneaky, self inflicted  and involuntary. Most of it is highly affected by or programming as child.

As a woman, I can choose to get the jar myself, but I can also choose to accept help from someone who simply has to reach out their hand to pick up the jar – (vs my huge effort!). And it really doesn’t matter which one I choose, as long as it’s my choice!

And herein lies the conundrum and so much of societies hurts and human rights violation over the centuries – the moment people or a group of people take away someone’s freedom of choice – there is a problem.

It is like we deep down inside remember that God created us with free choice, free agency to come and learn, evolve, love, grow on this planet. And in cases where those rights were willfully taken away, people have gone as far as to go to war (be willing to loose their life) in order to retain the right to exercise that choice!

So in this example, it is quite easy and obvious to discern between where there is empowerment and where it is not. But in our daily lives it is more difficult. It is difficult to see where we are giving our power of choice away – and worse we can be giving it away to different sources in different scenarios!

What do I mean by that?

This morning I had breakfast with a lovely friend of mine. We were discussing life, love and all sorts of random things that two girlies would mull over during a three hour breakfast stint!  She shared a bit about her life and then rightfully commented on the fact that she very early on in her life, decided to not automatically make the opposite choice of her mother. She grew up feeling loved and cared for by her mother, until the point where her mother made a decision which hurt them. The natural disposition could have very easily for her been to want nothing to do with her mother’s actions. She would try to create as much distance between her and her mother as possible – even by not embracing the “good” of her mother.

She realised that some of her mother’s actions were good and some of them had not such a good impact on her life, and she decided to use her own discernment on the matter. This is a very good example of someone who is empowered enough to say: “My other was like this and I can be like this too, BUT it’s because it is my conscious choice, not because of a default setting to rebel against everything about her”.
Even if you are a “rebel” and you make your choice out of rebellion “my mother was a terrible mother, I will never be like her”, it is an easy trap to not do anything that your mother did because she has hurt you so much, that you refuse to see the good she did too. That is not choice, that is programming making the choice – that is your negative ego that is taking over the steering wheel of your car.

Being empowered means not only do you know you have a choice, you know what your choices are, and you make the “right” choices from a place of consciousness, caring, compassion and kindness, not from spite, rebellion, lack, greed, self preservation, ego, lack of facts or which ever place we tend to make distorted decisions from in our life.

Always being a “rebel” and “not fitting in” might be a default setting or label that you adopted to try and avoid accountability and responsibility. The hurt with authority might be legit, but the subsequent pattern you employ to deal with the trauma will keep your progression back in life. Your bad experience doesn’t make all forms of authority, organisation, governance, management bad. It means you’ve had a bad experience with such an example and you are potentially projecting that unto all other good forms around you. Something like “rebellion at all cost” is not the right thing to surrender your own personal choice to!

Freedom does not mean you can do what you want, when you want, all the time. Freedom means to be empowered enough to make good choices so that you don’t have negative karma or kick back in your life. It’s like living your life without it leaving a negative karmic footprint in this world.

Where are you giving your power of choice away? How many times a day to you need to make a choice and know deep down inside that you want to do something, but you might be rejected, shamed, gossiped about, ridiculed or shunned – so you don’t do it? How many times would you much rather your own instinct on how to perform a task, but you surrender your process (and outcome!) to another to keep them happy?

Love and Moonlight,


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