Fort Hard Knocks

Fort Hard Knocks

I seem to have taken residency in Fork Hard Knocks this week. And we are all up for days like that right? But I have been observing a bit of a “meh” in myself and amongst people the last couple of weeks. People are being stretched, pushed and pulled out of their comfort zones like never before. I find myself being challenged to great lengths and coming back to face situations from the past that I thought was long dealt with. Some of it affects me more deeply than others and I have to fight hard against not becoming despondent, wavering in my commitment and giving up on my dreams. The thing is – the more you believe in something, the more you might get challenged to bring them into life. Or at least that has been my experience. This resistance can take any form (internal and external factors):

  • Nay Sayers
  • Creative blockages
  • Logistical challenges
  • Lack of clear communication
  • Mental blocks
  • Financial & resource constraints
  • People going back on their word
  • Dishonesty
  • Relationship issues
  • Deadlines
  • Physical disease

Just to name a few- and I’m sure, every reader can add their own version to the list of challenges to the above.

I can by no means claim to have it figured out, but when I hit these bumps, I kind of turn to the following behaviours, I:

  • have a good old cry and I throw a shameless pity party in the arms of my man, and I GET IT OUT OF THE WAY. And even that challenges me because I absolutely hate being vulnerable with anyone.
  • take stock and re-evaluate everything/person in my life with a magnifying glass.
  • re-assess my goals.
  • try to create something or focus on a creative project I’ve been struggling to finish.
  • sleep and get rest (I try to focus on self care).
  • give myself some space from the person(s) causing the inner conflict for me.
  • serve another human being who is going through pain or challenges.
  • do prayers rituals to calm and bring me to center.
  • try to connect with people I know has overcome much greater adversity than I face (and try to take a page from their book).
  • have a cup of tea with one of my girlies.
  • hug my children – they are so open hearted and pure in the unconditional giving of their love.
  • in my quiet time, I try to discern between what is my own experience, and what is the voice of my ancestors speaking through my veins.

Some of these may be “good” and some may not be so “good” but this is how honest I can be. Each of us have our own way in dealing with obstacles, hurt and disappointment. I also find that people are at varying stages of their life and the number of life’s lessons they’ve already faced. This means that the number of times you’ve faced a certain lesson also has an influence on what gets to you. I am certainly strong and resilient. I am not scared of working and I’m not scared of falling down and getting up again. I am not afraid of making mistakes. I sleep well at night because I know I always pay my dues. Facing one, two or even seven knocks in the same week, I can do. But after years and years of standing tall amidst many storms, one do end with a little less resilience than before. And that is something that I had learn to make peace with. One does tend to loose the vigour of your youth.

Even though I don’t completely collapse as I used to 8 years ago, I still sometimes get affected and hurt, but it doesn’t get to me as much. But it still hurts and I’ve learned that self care is also about giving yourself some time to recover physically and emotionally. And I have luckily learned that if that means that I have to distance myself from other people or the situation for some time, then that is wat I need to do and not feel guilty about it. The “old” me would have marched on with a brave face (often out of misplaced loyalty), and in the end, my physical health and my family would pay the price. I would be down in bed for days, without even being able to lift my arm, suffering from complete burnout.

Recently, I have however found that the quantity of blows raining down is what wears one out. So to survive the coming times, I think one would have to be super clear about your goals and purpose. Definitely one should use great caution and discernment in where you spend your energy – or who and what you give your attention to. And lastly – invest in yourself and your own physical, emotional and spiritual health. It’s the best investment you will ever make!

The most beautiful smile is the one that struggles through tears


Now it took me quite a couple of days, but today I think my smile managed to push through the tears. And deep inside I know there is always hope. Shortly after that, I received an invitation to join a group of people on something directly related to my dreams, something that has been on my bucket list for a long time. And it was almost like the Universe was giving a gentle whisper in my ear “don’t give up on your dreams to serve humanity with your art, not yet”. It was like it was just gently nudging me to say: “you have got an important role to play in someone’s healing journey – but first, go out to play”. I opened my heart and I gladly accepted this amazing opportunity and gift. Just when I was at my lowest, a long came a little cloud with a silver lining. Again, I’m glad that I’ve not given up, I’m glad I connected with my joy and somehow, I know there will be solutions for all my perceived problems.

the silence after the rain…how quickly the sky pulls herself together.

If you are curious to find new ways to empower or buffer yourself against times to come – contact me for the life changing Empower Thyself Class. We have a class coming up in the middle of August 2021 and we have one or two spots still open.

Love and Moonlight, Leonie

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