Day 45 – Lock Down Diaries

Day 45 – Lock Down Diaries



When I started my career as a healer I had grand ideas of what wanting to help others would mean. I used to have starry eyes and dreamy smiles when I imagined the possibility that proactive healing sessions brought to the world.  With that came many unrealistic views, opinions and judgements. Amongst others the idea that I can do healing without receiving healings for myself. Through this process, I had to find healers, that I “felt safe” with.

Why do I say that? Well because, if I’m really honest: I was so hurt and my world view so distorted by rejection, that I didn’t feel safe with anyone! I could have had Jesus himself walking into my life and my mind would have still concocted a way to get myself out of the session with him!

If I look back now – feeling safe had very little to do with it! Neither did my measurement of if the healing was happening or not! Many years later, my trained eye can now see the changes those sessions brought to my life. In retrospect I can see the turning point each of those brought separately. If you asked me back then, I would have flippantly have told you that I felt nothing during or after the session.

I was so far off track – Buddha himself couldn’t get me to quiet my mind or meditate! You see, when you are seeking healing, you really in fact are seeking to end the control of your mind over your life. It is your MIND that got you into trouble in the first place (after getting hurt, it created negative coping patterns to help you survive)! The mind or negative ego, is corrupted and will always labour towards it’s own self preservation. It will perform all sorts of funny manoeuvres to stay in control and thus keep the real version of you captive! This may or may not come as a shock to you – but you are not your mind! Your mind is not a part of your authentic self, it’s a tool – it is not the real you! There is so much more to learn about this in the class called Empower Thyself!

So my mind told me that I had to find “the best” healer out there. I was listening to “my heart” and I arrogantly wanted only the best to work on me. I erroneously viewed academic intelligence as the best. I had no other way to make the decision! My intuition in those days were quite suppressed and slowly but surely I started to realise that my perception of “the best” healer was morbidly warped.  The best healing I’ve received in my life was the hardest and most challenging sessions! I LOATHED going to the person – I dreaded getting into the car and I almost turned away every time as I touched the door bell of their healing room.

Honestly speaking? The most intelligent or popular healer wasn’t always my best healer! I have experienced some of the most amazing break throughs in my life, in the magick of some of the most unknown, underplayed and underrated healers out there!

But how does that make sense you say? Every healer has their own magick and you have to find the healer that is best for you FOR THE SEASON you are in! And that season might be an *#$&ss kicking season, so your mind intuitively will not be jumping up and down to receive it’s redirection!

I made the mistake of not being cognisant of the season that I am in. I wanted to make a mind or logical decision. He is the highest qualified person – therefore it must mean that he will be able to help the best. She is the most intelligent – therefore I will get more bang for my hard earned money. That is all ego talking! That approach perhaps work in terms of the matrix and medical academic fields out there, but this is not always the case with energy healers – in fact it hardly ever is! It’s is a much more refined, more subtle art, and it has A LOT to do with the soul contracts you signed before you came to earth!

This is the one place where I will tell you: go with the push you’ll feel from behind  (you’ll know when you feel it!), go with opportunity presenting itself (because there may not be so many endless opportunities as you think you may have) and pretty much always, allow yourself to be challenged and feel unsafe or unsure! I know, I know! It doesn’t make sense and you can tell me about all the “bad” experiences you’ve had – trust me – they all served you – you may not have enjoyed the meal because you were so caught up in the victim role that you were playing out! Oops! Did I just say that? Delete. Delete!

Some of the most profound healing sessions I’ve had was the most combative, confronting and uncomfortable experiences I’ve had in my life! But boy – did they change me! Then other times, I’ve allowed myself to fall into the warm embrace of a healer with more motherly qualities to whom I could show my broken heart and cry out every single tear I had left in my body. Both brought me great relief and progression!

My advice or recommendations would be: 

  • Don’t go stale, by staying with one healer for years and years on end.
  • Do follow your heart and discern carefully about who you want to see (best to make sure they are regularly certified through reexaminations and endorsed by the institute they studied at).
  • Sometimes, break your own box completely and just jump off the cliff by choosing a healer you would have put last on your list. In fact – you might learn most from the one who makes you feel most uncomfortable! It might help you identify and confront your wounds and/or personal judgements!
  • Academic intelligence does not automatically equal intuitive strength and magick – so look for the type of magick the person holds – not the paperwork or perceived mind intelligence.
  • Every healer has a different strength and magick they bring and truth be told: we can all do with a little bit of magick of EVERYONE – that’s how we get rid of our illusion of separation – that’s how we become one again!
  • Be careful not to project your own hurt and insecurities unto a healer in an attempt to give yourself a valid pass out of the healing – you are only hurting yourself if you are not taking steps to take responsibility for your own healing.
  • In general, healers are here to serve, and given there are a couple of rouge advisors out there, but that is mostly out of ignorance. My experience is that they are also on their own journey of healing and don’t see some of their shadows. They probably became healers because they saw how bad and hurting the world is and decided to act and make a change by serving others, despite their own incredible pain. That doesn’t mean they are perfect! Most healers out there are not trying to be a guru – they are just trying to help you find relief from your pain!
  • When it comes to choosing a healer – your mind is not your friend! You are best of by just learning to trust the process – even if you can’t see clearly.
  • Have discernment when selecting your healer, but don’t do yourself and others the injustice of down-playing a healer, or worse, tarnish their reputation from your own level of understanding.  Rather not play down their character because you are not yet willing to face your own wounding. That just creates bad karma or dharma and doesn’t bring positivity or progress for anyone – lest yourself.

I can not tell anyone what to do when it comes to their individual healing path – I can try to give advice to help clients determine their best “fit” and determine the most helpful modalities for their season. At the end of the day – you can almost certainly benefit from every single intervention, because every step you take, will bring you to a better understanding of yourself. What is more beautiful than a truer and more authentic version of you?

So in conclusion: in your mind, the healer might be ‘unprofessional’ because she accidentally dropped the bottle of oil, or bumped over his/her notes, the dogs once barked in the background, or he/she didn’t have tissues in the room when you started to cry. The experience may have felt like a total disaster to you and you may feel that you got nothing for your money.

My experience is (and this is my experience – it doesn’t have to be yours): the perfect conditions, reading or protocol delivery doesn’t guarantee perfect healing. There are guidelines and protocols that good healers have to follow, but a big chunk has to do with their magick and contracts. The perfect healing is the healing that takes you forward, the healing that makes you lighter, that adjusts your frequency, helps you to find joy, feel a relief, help set you free – it helps you see yourself and your potential more truly.

To me the perfect healer and the perfect healing does not exist – and I thank God for that, because the imperfect perfect is always perfect.






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