Day 35 – Lock Down Diaries

Day 35 – Lock Down Diaries

 

FRUSTRATION (Part 2)

 

Anyone who has a small business knows – there is no marketing department – YOU ARE THE MARKETING DEPARTMENT. There is no financial director – YOU ARE THE ACCOUNTANT, BANK MANAGER, CASHIER, DEBT COLLECTOR – the works! There is no specialist designer for special projects – you have to simply do it! Worse – currently without much of a budget.

Can you feel the frustration? I bet you do!

So for me personally what I do to disconnect from this frustration and mounting pressure is I:

  • create
  • do rituals
  • prayer
  • meditation – often I just go to my room and I’ll sit on my bed (yes I fall asleep sometimes but I really feel that I’ve driven myself for so many years that I am at the space where I allow myself that – and it’s good)
  • take a warm bath without any lights – just candle light
  • read my old manuals and study notes – a great way to ground me
  • drink tea
  • watch documentaries about the history of South Africa – or documentaries in general – I love seeing different viewpoints and actuality
  • spend time with my children – yes they frustrate me but they also make me laugh and no matter how angry I get at them or how much I yell at them – we always get over it and hug it out – that’s what being a family is all about right?

 

Sometimes I totally loose my head with the kids and I feel like I explode – but after a good vent with my husband, I always feel like I can take on these tigers again. My tigers that I want to tame in my life – because I will not let clutter, data, chaos, unused energy and procrastination rule my life. I will also not allow these things to continue to steel time from me and my family anymore.

I am working on building a safe space where I can spend long summer evenings with my friends under the trees with fairly lights, barbecues and kids running around on the grass. I am building a space where people can come to for healing – where they can look at the person in the mirror and hopefully find what limits them, what frustrates them, but also what makes them beautiful and unique.

Until that day – I might be frustrated, I might cause a lot of frustration – but I will not quit until I’ve managed to create a little piece of heaven – in this toilet pit called life, and for that dream I am willing to sacrifice.

Most people during this time will say: you are crazy – save money, put away, stop dreaming, stop doing. Not me, I will go to the nursery with my last sent to make my living space healthy, green, lustrous. Every plant I plant is a beacon of hope placed in the soil. Hope that we will continue to be safe, hope that we will have water and resources to care for our plant kingdom, hope that we will soon again be able to receive and hug guests, hope that I will soon be able to bring clients in to switch off and heal from the survivalist stabs the COVID virus took at us. Hope that we will come out of this – ready to embrace the new – ready to let go of the old.

I feel like we are giving birth and birth is not a pretty sight – and I can tell you from experience – it hurts like a mother fluffer! Contractions, blood and screams. All the guts and the glory – right there! But the fruits of going to labour is the fact that you can caress that sweet sweet new baby – a baby that will grow into a young toddler, with many quirky sayings, hours of laughter, tight hugs and slobbery kisses and eventually a teenager and young adult that will become your best friend. Yes we are giving birth to a new world – it’s not comfortable – it hurts like hell – but we will get through it – and we will THRIVE! Keep putting those beacons of hope down for yourself – beacons to remind you and the world of what your hopes and dreams are for the future!

Stillwestay.

 

 

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