Day 34 – Lock Down Diaries
Day 34 – Lock Down Diaries
FRUSTRATION (Part 1)
I think if there is one emotion that is rife at the moment it is: frustration. Everyone is in everyone’s hair. Frustration is often caused by uncertainty, fear of the future, restraint, limitation, powerlessness and when it’s starting to look like: you are damned if you do and you are damned if you don’t it sets the scene for dangerous zone for humans in our society.
When people have been stripped of their ability to provide for their families and they feel like they have nothing to loose – they will start to stand up against constrictors because it’s either going to jail (or paying a fine) or their families sleep hungry or get evicted from their homes. When humans have nothing to loose, the primal instincts can play out quite easily. At the moment I feel like in South Africa we are like a mother that left the gas stove open and the smallest spark can potentially ignite a massive explosion.
Life has been put on hold. The flow and life of families (especially for parents) is completely disrupted and the responsibilities and pressures have tripled. I personally feel like I am walking on a very sharp double edged sword. I realise that one miss step or loss of balance can create severe consequences for me, my family and my business.
Not only are you working, you are teaching, cleaning, cooking, organising, keeping a boss happy, but you are tasked with the seemingly impossible: make money without the possibility of moving items or receiving clients! Sounds like magick to me – and not many people are magicians! Not many people are trained to have the ability to make something out of nothing. This is why I now appreciate the 10 years of training that I’ve had in the Mystery School. I am so happy that I stuck to a multiple stream income model for myself. It took many hours of work and days away from my family – but now I can jump between skills and services I have to offer by adapting to a remote support function.
The biggest challenge for my family has been to find a new flow. Personally I am a more free styling person. I do things when I get a deep sense or feeling that I need to do it. I also have a completely different biorhythm to my family – I am wide awake at night and pretty much sleep walking during the day. My family are all early risers and they bounce around like rubber balls all day.
This makes for some interesting challenges. I also realised that I am frustrated because certain functions i.e. teaching my kids was outsourced to a teacher – I am not qualified or organised in their curriculum to take my kid through this process with flow! Yes I can support her emotionally, I can encourage her, I can buy stationary and school supplies, I can upload video clips and print assignments – but I can not help much with the details of Natural Science, Maths, Music, Drama etc! I have to literally go and research most of the questions because I was not even raised in an English school! So my daughter uses the English terms for things that is completely foreign to me.
On top of that – I have to try to keep three businesses and staff afloat because they have served me and my family for years and I can’t get it over my heart to leave them during a time like this.
So in between helping my children (9 and 4!), I have to not only keep a business afloat under very difficult conditions – but I have to also use all this “spare time” to plan ahead strategically and innovate new directions. Because there is this expectation (self imposed or not) that we should all rise from this as reborn beings – businesses, families, individuals – the works!
We recently moved house and I am still unpacking boxes, throwing out, decluttering like nobody’s business. I am sorting out terrabytes of hard drives, electronic data accumulated over 17 years that I’ve had my corporate business and I am editing photos from 5 years back that I haven’t gotten around to edit and distribute to friends and family – despite multiple promises to do so!