Day 30 – Lock Down Diaries

Day 30 – Lock Down Diaries

 

GRATTITUDE

Living the protected lives we do (yes even in South Africa), we are not used to the mental and emotional stress that comes from dealing with a global crisis such as we are currently in.

At some point or the other, one has to face your mortality – but it is so easy to bury these thoughts under a blanket of every day busyness and an “I must do” list.

The other night my little 4 year old boy crawled in under my arm and for a moment I just watched his breathing. His little face and nose pointed upwards as he’s trying to get enough air while he sleeps, and on his face, just absolutely no care in the world. Totally at peace. I swear, I drank that moment like the best cup of hot chocolate you’ve ever tasted in your life! It tasted like a bitter sweet mix of “why have I not noticed you more”, “why have I not made more time for you” and “my word, you are the most amazing little being alive”. The bitter sweet mix of guilt and gratitude.

For a moment my head went into drama. What would I do if I had to protect my family against apocalyptic threats in the next months to come? How would I keep a 4 year old from crying if I had to hide them away? How would I keep them quiet if I had no food with me for days? Truth is – I never think about things like this – I am quite a pragmatic and upbeat person. But that evening, I allowed myself to play out different scenarios – so that I can start to work on a plan to increase my family’s chances of survival if it came to it. I suppose that is motherhood right?

What came up for me was the movie “Live is Beautiful” about the father who managed to get his boy to survive WWII by pretending to play a game of hide and seek. That movie always cracks me up into little pieces. I cry for hours on end after watching it. The love of a parent is just unbelievable and there really is not limit to what a parent will do to avoid pain and suffering for their kids. The father’s ability to continue despite what must have been his own fears and dark corners, was absolutely inspiring and I decided for myself to be that kind of parent during Lock Down. No matter how hard it gets for me and my partner – I will continue to put in effort to make my kids believe that this is the best and longest working holiday ever.

In a way we are all going to have to recover from the virus. We are all affected by the debilitating effects of the disease. It is kind of like we all contracted it, because most freedoms of life was taken away by this period in our lives. Like the virus would constrain an infected person physically – it also in many ways did the same with those not infected. The affected also feels the breath taken away, art, creativity, nature, resources, movement, community.

If COVID19 is telling us anything, it’s telling us to enjoy the moments we do have and not to take anything, or anyone for granted.

Nowestay.