Day 10 – Lock Down Diaries
Day 10 – Lock Down Diaries
ALMOST HALF WAY
Today was an interesting day. I have to admit to getting retail therapy as it felt much cheaper and a better short term investment than therapy. By 2 o’clock this afternoon, I just couldn’t take the walls of my house anymore. Was it the house or the people I share it with? I don’t know, but it was getting crowded.
I don’t know who wrote this, but it’s beautiful:
“We fell asleep in one world, and woke up in another. Suddenly Disney is out of magic, Paris is no longer romantic, New York doesn’t stand up anymore, the Chinese wall is no longer a fortress, and Mecca is empty. Hugs & kisses suddenly become weapons, and not visiting parents & friends becomes an act of love. Suddenly you realise that power, beauty & money are worthless, and can’t get you the oxygen you’re fighting for. The world continues its life and it is beautiful. It only puts humans in cages. I think it’s sending us a message: “You are not necessary. The air, earth, water and sky without you are fine. When you come back, remember that you are my guests. Not my masters.”
This sums up how I feel inside. Everything that previously had so much meaning, glitter and allure, for some reason just had none! For the most part of today (and still) I felt a blank emptiness inside. A stillness, but not in a good way. An emptiness, but again, not in a good way.
I kind of feel like nothing excites me. Not the thought of connecting with anyone, creating something, not the thought of dreaming up new business ventures and ideas, nothing. Which is odd for me, because I always have a stream of uninterrupted thoughts and ideas coming around. I feel like I can never have enough hours in the day to do everything that I have coming through from Spirit.
But not today. Today I feel empty. Like I have nothing to give, no energy to flow and no contribution to make. Not to anyone, anything, anywhere. Perhaps I’m seeing my insignificance in terms of the power of Mother Gaia (as above). Perhaps I’m seeing myself as just another puzzle piece, temporarily lost in the bigger picture. I don’t know, and for now I don’t want to look for answers too much. Perhaps this is putting in words, when I lack any?
“Half of me is filled with bursting words and half of me is painfully shy. I crave solitude yet also crave people. I want to pour life and love into everything yet also nurture my self-care and go gently. I want to live within the rush of primal, intuitive decision, yet also wish to sit and contemplate. This is the messiness of life – that we all carry multitudes, so must sit with the shifts. We are complicated creatures, and ultimately, the balance comes from this understanding. Be water. Flowing, flexible and soft. Subtly powerful and open. Wild and serene. Able to accept all changes, yet still led by the pull of steady tides. It is enough.” Victoria Erickson
For today I sense the need to just be and sit with whatever is there. Yes, perhaps the world is fine without me, and that’s okay. But I rest assured because I also know that no one carries my keys, no one has my unique essence and without my puzzle piece, the full picture will never be complete.
So for now, I am resting, standing firm and waiting, while I humbly send love to Mother Gaia, to whom we owe much gratitude and to whom we give very little.