A Place For Me

Being raised a good, conservative, self-sacrificing Christian girl, I was taught to always be the least, always put others first, always turn the other cheek (that was hard for me to do as I’m quite feisty in nature) and always keep an eye out for the interests of others above myself. Add to that clients from three businesses, a husband, a 7 year old, a 2 year old and you have a recipe for self sacrificial disaster. I walked right into that storm. I fell for it hook, line and sinker. All under the auspices of thinking that I’m “doing the right thing”.

Doing the right thing for who? Society, my parents, my husband, my children, my reputation? Sure a behaviour pattern of convenience to others who naturally, would not admit that they are benefiting from my rescue syndrome.  For a long time I heard mentors speak about the importance of self-care. Self-care this, self-care that and really I had no “container” to put any of that information into. Why you ask? Because my mother is the most compassionate, self-sacrificing person in the world. So my role model, even though the kindest person in the world, set me up for a lifetime of doing exactly the same to myself. My mom didn’t go to the hairdresser more than once every three months. She didn’t wear make-up. She didn’t ask my dad for fancy holidays overseas. She always did whatever she could, to give us what we needed and almost always at her own expense. Those are very admirable qualities in most cultures, especially the Afrikaans culture. Right?

The problem is the downward spiral of self-belief, self-love and self-care that comes with constantly putting the needs of others above your own. Yes, we all have to sacrifice in relationships – we can’t get our way ALL THE TIME. But, we have to sometimes think of who we are, what we want and put our needs first. Why? Because as a human with a body, spirit and a soul, we came to experience earth and we all have a purpose. A clue is that the purpose always has to do with our growth, empowerment and our own spiritual evolution. Constantly putting everyone else’s physical needs above our personal spiritual path will block our growth and progression, and that is not of the Light.

The one thing my Life Activation did for me, is it made me more aware of myself, my path in the Light and my environment. I get these AHA! moments like a hammer hitting me on the forehead at least 3 times a week! It is as if I’m opening another present from the universe every time. It’s like a mini little curtain being pulled off every day items, relationships or people around me. This was one such a moment. I was busy sorting out papers in my office when it it me. I literally had a little filing space for everyone and everything in my life – EXCEPT FOR MYSELF. This showed me how deep this self sacrificing habit was ingrained in my sub-conscious. It made me wonder about how many decisions I’ve made in my life, thinking that I made the decision with a clear, sound mind, meanwhile it came from deep rooted subconscious programming. Even though I’m born under the Taurus star sign (traditionally very set in their ways), I have a special affinity for change and have many times been criticised by family about constantly being on the roll. Even asking my husband, after 16 years, he will tell you that you never know what to expect from Leonie as no two days are the same.  I have to admit that changing and healing this in my life, has been the biggest challenge yet and I’m finding it much harder to shift this energy in my life as it’s been embedded in my being for 30+ years.  I don’t think I have this right yet, but I can certainly feel the layers peeling away like an onion. I’m starting to make better choices, choices for myself, choices from a consciousness about this, where previously I was simply oblivious and would have defaulted to rescuing whoever needed to be rescued.  Healing from our conditioning and programming is a process and a long journey. But a journey starts with the first step. My journey started with a Life Activation and this is what motivated me to become a Life Activation Practitioner myself. If you are brave enough to take the first step of discovering your higher self, I would be here and honoured to serve you with this life changing healing modality.