Speaking your Truth Without Hurt or Compromise
Speaking your Truth Without Hurt or Compromise
I must be busy with many lessons in my own lack of discernment and respect for others, as I am currently facing people who bring that mirror right into my face. It’s either that or I am busy learning to stand up for myself and to push people back who have overstepped my personal boundaries.
See, boundaries work like this: people come into your personal space and overstep our boundaries – IF WE ALLOW THEM IN! It usually happens when you are trying to be polite and you don’t want to offend someone by saying “no”. That “yes” usually comes at the expense of your personal inner peace.
Now, this goes on for many months (more usually years!) until we get tired of people overstepping our boundaries and we become aware of our need to regain our personal space. But now you have a problem. They are already IN your space and you can’t change the situation by repeating the same behavior that allowed them in in the first place. So the only solution is a change in our behaviour. That normally takes the form of a firm “NO” and that is seen as confrontational or combative by the other party. In other words: CONFLICT.
Why? Because the other people are severely confused by the “no” they hear when it comes out the first time. They are going to try out their boundaries in order to see if you are serious about this assertion and/or if you are willing to budge on your new found revelation. See, for them, it is comfortable standing right there in your face! So the only way to reclaim your personal space is through conflict….Unfortunately!
Depending on the awareness level of the other person, he or she might retaliate with a severe case of prosecution and victimhood. In order to counter your “no’, they will either resort to playing the victim (blame you for their situation) or prosecute you (telling you it is your fault and YOU are misreading or miss interpreting the situation, YOU are taking it personal etc). An easy way to know that you are working with someone that is going to be around long term is if that person hears what you are saying and if you are lucky, they apologise and change their behaviour around you. You also have to forgive yourself for allowing that situation that ultimately hurt you both and kept you from empowerment. If you said something to hurt the other person, the right thing is to own that and ask for forgiveness. That way, you are re-establishing a relationship on a much better, stronger foundation. If not, getting rid of the relationship might be another way. Not all our current relationships is in our life for the better good. That makes life an incredibly complex puzzle to figure out.
Most people who know me on the surface will actually testify that I can be quite feisty and outspoken. I have been even more so in the past – I had borderline activist tendencies and I own that. I used to always be the one fighting for the underdog. Somewhere I made it my plight to speak on behalf of those without a voice, which in my younger years, could have very well been my younger brother. Clearly, the universe is showing me that I have some unhealed parent wound in that area. I thank the universe and the wisdom of my highers self for that insight today. I do however have a very sensitive, softer side. I read energy quite well and I can smell a rat from a mile away (I only recently learnt to trust that about myself).
I do however want to make this post about personal boundaries. I don’t know if it is the current energy on the planet, but I am done with tip-toeing around people who come into my private space with harsh judgements and general behavioural words of disrespect. I realised that I have the option of one of two responses: I can keep quiet, smile, bite my tongue and resort to a game of avoidance or pretending to like them for the rest of my life. Or I can actually stand up for myself and what I experience through their behaviour and hopefully move on to a relationship with them that is characterised by a better, deeper understanding of each other? Are we not after all here to teach each other? That is the assignment!
Part of my gift in life is change and inspiration. Can change always come without conflict? No! The question becomes: Am I being true to myself if I keep quiet and deny that person my gift of personal change and transformation? Allowing this, through my own self-denial, because I want to protect their feelings and not hurt them? Am I standing in my power if I’m not speaking my truth or should we always “turn the other cheek” like in the Bible?
Does it help me to get to know my true self if I continue to justify my conflict avoiding behaviour by falling back on old hierarchical beliefs? Why do I believe that it is my cheeks that constantly needs smacking? Is the “turn the other cheek” belief not the same spirit and belief that keeps people in abusive relationships? What if this is a symptom of the direct lies that I’ve been told by society that I am “too much”, “too strong a woman”, “carry too strong an opinion”, “should stop causing conflict where I go” etc in an attempt to silence me from the inherent cause and purpose I have on this earth?
Should we, especially woman, walk around apologising to others that we have a voice, a stance point, a view on matters in life?
So I have made a temporary decision (and note that I say temporary because tomorrow the Universe may very well show me a different truth or balance) to teach myself to speak my truth. Unequivocally, unapologetically but hopefully graciously and from a place of purity in my own heart. If my viewpoint is wrong, so let it be and by the grace of God let me see the reflection in all situations of myself. May I see the other person’s viewpoint without judgement of where they are in their journey. But may I deliver my message standing tall and with a clean intention of serving the greater good. No longer will I keep quiet. No longer will my inner gift be silenced. No longer will I apologise for being a strong, principled but caring woman.