I Am Young Now

I Am Young Now

Last week, a friend of mine posted the following clip on a group. The credit for this video goes to Sanctuary Spa and I can clearly understand why they created it.

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This highlighted a theme that I’ve noticed coming up in my life for quite some time now. I am getting increasingly frustrated and overwhelmed with the “to do’s” and “musts” of myself and society. There are so many demands on our time these days. It simply does not feel like it was in my parent’s time. I know it is painfully clear that we do not live in the same era as our parents. In many ways I am so glad for the privileges and modern marvels we have access to. But my question becomes: at what price?

As I look at my diary for the week (and pretty much the rest of the year), my heart grows a bit heavy. I battle to find a morning to simply fit an overdue hair appointment. Deadline upon deadline, meeting upon meeting and I can’t help but to ask myself: Why? Why do I work myself into a pulp? Why to I strive to achieve my own personal career and fulfilment goals? Is it the right time in my life to be pursuing all these “to do’s” or should I rather take the time to drink in every minute of holding those small little bodies against mine?  Where does persistence and endurance stop and where does discernment for the season of your life start? I’m a Taurus so by nature we are not deterred by hard work of any kind. The downfall is that we get so engrossed in the end goal that we totally forget to appreciate and feel every step of our journey.

I can’t get out of my commitments until the end of the week. I am too loyal to just simply “cop out”. I can’t get out of my commitments until the end of the year. That’s the reality of life. However, I took this Sunday off to appreciate the moments with my family.  More importantly – to get well deserved sleep for myself. I have three businesses so to say my to do list is longer than three arms would be a slight understatement. I am drowning in paperwork, photo editing work and I have to prepare documents for tomorrow’s meeting and the training projects for the rest of the week, but for today, this Sunday, I decided to give some time to myself and my family. Time to capture special moments in a time capsule, a new deposit into our memory bank.

For this upcoming season of my life at least, I want to:

a. Spend more time getting some well needed sleep.

b. Capture moments with my children as they are expressing themselves with all their silliness.

c. I want to enjoy my garden and explore all the nooks and corners we have created with so much care and I want to make more time to connect with nature.

d. I want to be able to do impromptu things (like my daughter stealing cream) and I want to do it without guilt.

e. I want to hang around my family, even if it means sitting quietly with my husband watching a good movie on television.

f. I want to see their smiles, feel their little cold bodies as they crawl up in my embrace after a premature Spring dip in the pool.

g. I want to watch my son hang on the monkey bars and hold myself back from helping him as he struggles to reach the loops on his own. I want to listen to the mispronunciation of his first words and laugh at his little quirky acts.

h. I want to cook my family a nice meal at least once a day OR, for crying out loud, at least twice a week!

i. I want to feel part of them, I want to feel like I’m their safe space, like they are mine.

j. I want to be there when they cry, I want to be there when they laugh. I want to be there when they excel, but I want to be there to pick them up when they struggle or fall.

k. I want to be 100% present in the moment. Not planning tomorrow or busy with some analysis of yesterday and it’s wins and failures.

l. I want to work on impressing me and no one else. I want to work on being better than the me I was yesterday and no one else.

Because perhaps one day, someone might ask me: “if you were young now, what would you most want to do?”. Then, I want my answer to be: “My dear, I’ve done it, I’ve done all of it”.

Seven years ago I started an inward journey to better know myself. I don’t always know if I’m doing the “right” thing but I know my journey has increased the quality and sincerity of my experience on earth. It all started with a simple Life Activation that I resisted for a great deal of time.  I can mark this event as the turning point in a transition from a bland, one dimensional earth experience into a multi-colour explosion of adventures. Learning to love and respect myself is most probably the most daunting an exciting adventure on the path.

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